Welcome to the first ever installment of Ask Greetabl. This is more than just a friendship advice column. It’s a place to come and talk about what’s troubling you and get a second opinion from someone who really cares.
Friendships (and all relationships for that matter) take work. From betrayals that shake you to your core, to advice on your next girl’s trip destination. Greetabl is here to help you sort through it all.
Now, here’s what some of our friends have been wondering about…
Missing In Action
It’s really touching how much you seem to care about your friend’s well-being, as well as their space and privacy. Balancing those two can be tricky for sure.
I would try continuing to give them their space for a little while longer. Probably another week to a month depending on how often you normally talk. You are probably right to think they may be dealing with something that has absolutely nothing to do with you, and that they don’t want to share (fight with another friend or family member, trouble at work, etc.). In that type of case, they’d likely appreciate being left alone for a while. You might have to trust for the time being that they’ll come back around when they’re ready.
If the problem persists and you decide to bring it up, I would be as positive as possible. Try to steer away from accusatory language like “you never do this/that,” and instead say how much you miss them and value their friendship, and want to be there to support them if anything is wrong. Try to be understanding no matter what! 🙂
Good luck! I hope your lost friend is found very soon!
While you are not in the wrong here, and are definitely allowed to have friends of every gender/color/size/shape you’d like, getting defensive about this fact may not be the way to go upfront. Try opening up an honest dialogue and finding out what it is about the friendship that bothers him so much.
It might be something that’s easily fixed! Take this example: your boyfriend is sad that you see your friend much more often than him. He cares about you so it’s understandable for him to wish he could get a little more of your time, and he may just be expressing it the wrong way. In that instance, try starting up a weekly date night. Try to keep both of your phones away during this time and stay in the moment with each other. Something like this may be all it takes to have your BF feeling the love again in no time.
However, if it turns out that it’s just because your friend is male, and your boyfriend doesn’t want you to have any male friends at all… that sounds like a red flag. If this is the case, your next move is to look internally. I would think about if that need for control over your friends/life choices is something you want in a partner.
Good luck! I hope your BF & BFF become BFFs themselves!
Great question. All give and no take is an exhausting way for anyone to live. You’ll eventually burn out, and it sounds like you’re nearing that point. So, I think you have two options from here.
One: It might be time to start mirroring your friend’s behavior, and only put in what you receive. You’ll need to prepare yourself for the possibility that you and this person may not talk or see each other anymore if you no longer put in the sole effort. Though it’s sad and you’ll likely need time to mourn, it may be healthier for you to just let the friendship fade and start focusing your time and energy on more fulfilling relationships.
Two: Maybe try giving your friend the benefit of the doubt and communicate your feelings with her. After all, she is only human. We all get busy, and we’ve all acted selfish at times without fully realizing the effect we’re having on our loved ones. So just talk to her about it. Remain open to her point of view and don’t attack, but still, explain that you’ve been feeling unappreciated and why. If she is understanding and positive about the situation, great! If she tries to turn it back around on you, make you feel small, or weird for expecting equal participation in the friendship, you may still need to let the relationship go.
Good luck! Never forget how worthy you are of appreciation and celebration 🙂
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Sending all the love and good vibes out to the friends whose questions we’ve answered today! We hope this brought some clarity to a tough situation, and that all your skies are sunny from here. ☀️ If you ever need something sweet to get for your bestie when you guys make up, check out our BFF gift guide!
Another big thanks to everyone who has submitted questions, we’ll be back with more friendship advice for you soon! Xoxo