What if I never receive affirmation about my appearance again? It’s the question that haunted me throughout my college years. If you read my piece back during the Mother’s Day season, you know I struggle with ongoing issues regarding my health and physical body.

After an unbelievable amount of surgeries, many of which were on my face, I wondered if I’d ever be given a second glance or cat-called on the street going forward. Ugliness, for lack of a better term, was a deep-seated fear of mine. But damn it.

There are so many more important things to worry about than being pretty.

The intensity of this fear made me realize the true effect of society’s expectations, and it breaks my heart to realize other people feel the same pressure to be physically perfect. We must stop this damaging cycle.

Eliminating the pressure to be pretty begins with calling out beautiful traits in others – the ones that have nothing to do with physical attractiveness. It starts with you, calling out the inner beauty within your own circle and expanding out to your community at large.

Here is some basic framework for compliments that have nothing to do with physical appearance:

Acknowledge how someone treats others.

It’s been said, “How people treat you is more a reflection of how they see themselves than how they see you.” We believe there is so much truth in that. Treating others well is the mark of great character. Making others feel welcomed, appreciated, and important is a special trait worth calling out.

Compliment their work ethic.

Your friend burning the midnight oil deserves a little cheerleading for all their hard work. Encourage your friend who continuously puts the pedal to the metal.

Talk about the ways in which their courage and bravery show up.

Do you know someone who walked away from certainty to pursue their dreams? If so, celebrate their courage by taking the road less traveled. Surely, their actions have inspired you and so many others around them.

Do you know someone who faced an illness with positivity and tenacity? Tell them how amazing they are at conquering fear head-on.

Do you know someone who moved away to a new city without knowing anyone? That takes major guts.

Do you know someone who set boundaries in place (which is seriously hard for them!) with a loved one? Let them know just how proud you are.

Highlight how they’ve positively impacted your life.

For reasons big or small, vocalize how someone has made your life better. It could be for driving your kids to soccer camp (and how their patience with a van full of kids is the best in the biz), or it could be because they’re reliable and dependable. Whatever it’s for, you’ll never regret letting people know how much you mean to them.

Looking to put this practice into motion? Check out the following messages to best compliment your people:

I love how you celebrate others.
Your presence is comforting and welcoming. You make even strangers feel like old friends.
Your grace and patience with others remind me to extend more grace and patience in my own circle.
Your kindness is inspiring.
You make everyone feel as if they’re the most important person in the world.
Your constant encouragement has given me the confidence to pursue my dreams.
Your authenticity inspires others to be more themselves.
I admire how you are fully present during our time together. You’re a great listener and confidant.
You’re the hostess with the mostest! I love how you effortlessly make everyone feel at home and at ease.
I appreciate how you make everyone feel included – even those you don’t know.
You’ve helped make me feel comfortable in my own skin.
The relentless pursuit of your dreams challenges me to be more courageous in my own life.
You’re the hardest worker I know.
I’m a better person for knowing you.
Every time I face a problem or challenge, I look forward to hearing your perspective.
You are always going the extra mile. You give the most while expecting the least.
You radiate a warm light to everyone around you./ You effortlessly light up a room.
People constantly tell me how lucky I am to have you as a best friend/co-worker/partner/family member.
You make even boring things feel fun.
Your _______ recipe would win any Food Network cooking competition.
Our time spent together is so precious to me. I value every minute.
Your laugh is infectious and one of my favorite sounds.
My face hurts from smiling when I’m with you. Your humor is unparalleled.
This (really-super-cool) song reminds me of you.
You’re equal parts funny and intelligent.
Your wit is next-level.
I admire your level-headedness and ability to calmly evaluate any situation.
You’re a natural leader and role model.
You radiate peace.
If I was stranded on a deserted island, I’d pick you as one of my three things to bring with me.
You’re sunshine in human form.
You’re deserving of all the best things in life.